I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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