i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
