I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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