I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
