I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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