All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
