so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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