I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
