doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
