with your own penis?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
