Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
