My brain says no but my pants say off.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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