mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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