what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
