My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
