I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
