Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
