instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
how does that bad decision feel?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize