Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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