Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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