My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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