she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
