You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
