mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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