If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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