i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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