Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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