mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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