Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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