he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
