She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
