you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
