I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
