I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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