Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
