so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
