im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
