Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
