omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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