I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
