We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
