yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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