Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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