my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
