Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
