Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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