Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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