I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
