Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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