so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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