fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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