You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
