When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
