The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
