the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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