So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize