I think i peed on brittanys purse
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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