this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
