the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
