its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
