I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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