Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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