Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
