Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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