My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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