i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize