that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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