Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
