In the future we'll all be gay
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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