Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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