It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
she pinky promised me she was 18
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
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