New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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