WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
