It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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