I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
