my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
